In the piyut "Bezochri al Mishkavi", why did Rabbi Yehuda ibn Bal'am choose to return again and again precisely to "Let us fall into the hand of the Lord, for His mercies are great"?

The selichah “Bezochri al Mishkavi” was written in Spain in the 11th century by Rabbi Yehuda ibn Bal’am, a grammarian and biblical commentator who was born in Toledo and later moved to Seville. The piyut is recited in Sephardic and Middle Eastern communities during the selichot of Elul and of the Ten Days of Repentance, in the hours before dawn. The author signed his name inside the poem itself: the opening letters of the stanzas spell “Bal’am”, and the opening letters of the lines of the final stanza spell “chazak”, strong.

To hear the piyut in a Sephardic performance: Dudu Dery, “Bezochri al Mishkavi”.

This is one of the most beautiful points in the piyut, because the word that sounds most frightening in it, “let us fall”, turns into a word of confidence.

The refrain of Rabbi Yehuda ibn Bal’am clearly rests on the words of King David after the sin of counting the people. When David is required to choose between different punishments, he says:

“And David said to Gad, I am in great distress. Let us fall into the hand of the Lord, for His mercies are great, but let me not fall into the hand of man.” II Samuel 24:14.

That is, David does not say: save me so that I will not fall. He says almost the opposite: if I am going to fall, I want to fall into the hands of the Holy One.

And here lies the insight.

Sometimes the fall is precisely the safe place

Usually a person who falls looks for something to hold on to. But in this piyut the worshipper reaches the conclusion that he has nothing of his own to hold on to.

Already at the beginning of the piyut he remembers his sins. Later he admits his transgressions, gives up the attempt to justify himself, mentions that man is made of clay and ends in dust, and finally even asks that Israel’s deeds not be looked at, but that the merit of the fathers be remembered for them.

That is, as the piyut advances, the man strips off layer after layer of self confidence.

He has no claim.

He has no achievement to present.

He has no way to say: I deserve it.

And what is left?

To fall.

But not to fall into the void.

To fall into the hand of God.

And that is an enormous difference.

David chooses who will hold him as he falls

The biblical context makes the refrain even more powerful. David is standing after a sin. He does not claim to be innocent. On the contrary, earlier he admits his sin. Afterwards, when he is required to choose, he prefers to be placed in the hand of God, because God’s mercies are great, and not in the hand of human beings.

Therefore, in my view, ibn Bal’am does not use the verse only because it suits the selichot.

He takes a moment of a guilty man who has nowhere to run, and turns it into the refrain of the entire piyut.

And that is exactly the situation of the speaker.

He too says in effect: I have sinned, I have no sufficient justification, I cannot erase the past, but I know with whom I want to be right now.

This is not an escape from judgment.

This is a choice of whom to hand yourself over to within the judgment.

And there is something here that is even deeper

Notice what ibn Bal’am does to the verse.

In Samuel, David also says:

“But let me not fall into the hand of man.” II Samuel 24:14.

But in the refrain, ibn Bal’am stops before this part.

He repeats only:

“Let us fall into the hand of the Lord, for His mercies are great”

This is a fascinating literary choice.

The focus of the sentence is no longer the fear of the hand of man. The focus of the sentence is the trust in God’s mercies.

That is, the biblical verse is also built as a contrast: the hand of God against the hand of man.

In the piyut, what remains in the mind again and again is one thing:

His mercies are great.

And that changes the entire atmosphere.

And this is why the refrain changes every time it returns

The first time, after the speaker has recalled the wilfulness of his heart and his guilt, the refrain sounds like the confession of a frightened man: I am guilty, and therefore I hand myself over to mercy.

After the stanza in which he asks to be saved from his pursuers, that same line already sounds like a request for refuge.

After the stanza in which he admits his transgressions, it sounds like the belief that one can confess without despairing.

After the stanza about the man whose body will return to dust, it sounds almost like an admission that a person does not control even his own existence.

And in the final stanza, when the prayer already moves from the individual to “Your servants”, “the merit of the fathers” and “Your congregation”, the refrain is no longer only the prayer of one man.

It becomes the prayer of an entire community.

And there is a wonderful paradox here

Usually we think that hope means: I will manage to stand.

Ibn Bal’am offers here, as a literary reading, an almost opposite possibility:

Sometimes hope begins precisely when a person stops pretending that he stands by his own strength.

He falls.

But he knows where he is falling.

And this is perhaps the secret of the words “for His mercies are great”:

The worshipper’s confidence is not based on the question of how righteous he is.

It is based on the question of who the Holy One is, the One he is turning to.

Therefore the repetition is not merely a musical refrain. It is the anchor of the whole poem. In every stanza the poet discovers another reason why he has nothing of his own to lean on, and every time he returns to the same answer:

I do not lean on my merits.

Not on my strength.

Not on my ability to justify myself.

I prefer to fall into the hand of the One whose mercies are great.

And that is what turns the “fall” here from an image of despair into an image of faith.

It is worth noting that in the parallel version in Chronicles it says: “Let me fall now into the hand of the Lord, for very great are His mercies, but let me not fall into the hand of man.” (I Chronicles 21:13). There too the heart of the sentence is the same idea: at the moment when there is no possibility of escaping the crisis, the choice that remains is to trust in mercy.

Another article in the series on the piyut “Bezochri al Mishkavi”:

• How many biblical allusions are hidden inside the piyut, and what changes in their meaning when the poet weaves them together into a single prayer?